With The Rise Of Skywalker on the way in December I decided to do retrospectives on each of the films. I am going in the order of the story which means we’re starting with The Phantom Menace. The film came out 1999, which means that I was 5 years old when it released. I’ll always have that memory of going to get the VHS(Yup, I said VHS) at Target, getting Micro Machines of the Theed Palace Battle, getting ice cream and then going home to watch it for the first time. I basically knew everything that happened cause I asked my brother everything about the movie ahead of time but honestly, this was when I became fully hooked on Star Wars. I was 3 when the re-release of the special editions happened in ’97 but this was my generation’s story of Star Wars and it’s why it’ll always mean something to me…despite it’s massive flaws. There was even a point before Episode II came out that I could actually quote this entire movie from memory. So, here we go.
This film starts out with Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi going to negotiate with The Trade Federation about their Blockade of the Naboo Star System. So…first and foremost I have to say this and get it out of the way. Qui-Gon shouldn’t be in this movie. I love him, but he shouldn’t. If the trilogy gets one thing drastically wrong : It’s that it should’ve focused way more on Obi-Wan’s and Anakin’s relationship. The fact of the matter is that if your end goal is Mustafar then I need to believe that these men are brothers beforehand and it’s difficult to do that if 1. You keep separating them in Ep. II and Ep. III and 2. Your first film literally has them saying 14 words to each other.
The more I’ve watched this film, the more I’ve begun to understand the politics of the film but I don’t understand the motivations. The Trade Federation wants to blockade Naboo for…Reasons…But the weirdest part is that the entirety of their plan hinges on Queen Amidala signing their treaty and thus giving them complete control of the planet. But they don’t do a whole lot to keep her there. That’s weird in itself, like I get that they don’t think there’s anyway that she can escape but still, they know the Jedi(2 of the most powerful beings in the universe) are at least nearby. It’s very odd thinking.
The Jedi meet Jar Jar and Boss Nass. Boss Nass is insane but we’ll get more on that later. They then save Queen Amidala from the Palace and while escaping their ship is damaged and they end up having to stop at Tattooine to repair it. This starts what is both the weirdest sequence of the film and yet also probably my favorite. Here’s where they find Anakin Skywalker who is a slave. He saves the day by winning the prize money for their ship repairs in what is basically the star wars version of an illegal street race. I’ll admit it, I love the Podrace. It’s so much fun and is a very exciting sequence. Some people have said that it was too much and I guess I can understand that but is it really? I mean, in comparison to the rest of this film. It even ends with another exciting moment with Qui-Gon facing off against Darth Maul. It’s a weird scene because of how chill Obi-Wan is about the whole situation but you know, they’re just now seeing a Sith for the first time in over a thousand years so you know.
I will readily admit that the Tatooine Scenes do have one massive oversight. Why did you bring Jar Jar?
I understand that you brought him from Naboo and everything but why did he have to come to this brand new planet where you have no idea what he could say or do to offend whatever culture is nearby? I don’t hate Jar Jar by any means but we have to ask why Qui-Gon thought this was a good idea. Hell, he decides on Jar Jar over Obi-Wan, Panaka and Padme. That’s an odd decision no matter who made it. Because in Order, Jar Jar nearly breaks 3 separate things in Watto’s store, attempts to steal food from a vendor and when he gets caught he spits it at someone else and then he randomly starts sucking up apples at the Skywalker table and both Shmi and Anakin don’t say anything because he’s a guest. I just, I have so many questions.
Anyway, after that we head to Coruscant which is considered the capital of the known Galaxy. This is a very interesting aspect for us to learn about and see. Canonically, this will be the heart of the Empire in roughly 14 years. That’s insane if you really think about it. As of right now though, it’s full of wild traffic lanes, misplaced shakepeare-ian actors, space monks and a guy who is definitely not, but absolutely is Darth Sidious.
This entire sequence is odd and no, it’s not because it’s boring or because the senate stuff drags like everyone says it does.(It really doesn’t but we’ll get to that in a bit.) No, the reason I don’t like this scene is because of the Jedi Council. They basically sit there and do nothing. Now, I’m not saying that they need to be jumping around and doing flips every 5 seconds bit let’s face it : They’re boring cause only 2 of the 12 actually matter to the entirety of the film and their philosophy is broken at best between the whole Child stealing thing and the fact that they’re too arrogant to believe that the Sith could ever return…Meanwhile, their future monarchical leader is the ultimate embodiment of evil. So, yeah. And don’t give me the whole “Oh, they were clouded by the dark side” Nope, I don’t even have a connection to the force and I could see Palpatine being evil from a mile away.
Then they refuse to acknowledge Anakin or accept him as a trainee right in front of him.(I’ve always imagined Qui-Gon and Anakin being really excited in the elevator ride and then Qui-Gon being like : “Man, I really should have vetted their answer before I brought him along.”) I understand that by Training him, they basically destroyed the order from within but honestly, this wasn’t really a great start for Anakin’s idea of the Jedi. But hey, we’ll get more into that in the next two episodes.
Also, I hate to nitpick the different editions here but honestly, if you’re watching the Disney+ or Blu-Ray versions then they’ve made Yoda CGI instead of the puppet like he was in the original version of the film. It wouldn’t be so bad except for Yoda doesn’t emote at all in the entire film! If you’re gonna use CGI then try and do something with it. Also, why update Yoda with CGI when it was perfectly fine but you leave the Trade Federation the exact same way! Their mouths don’t even match up with what their sayi…Oh No, that makes it even worse!
Then, we have the pièce de résistance of the Old Republic Jedi : Midi-Chlorians. Basically, they tried to get sciency with the force and say that having a High Midi-Chlorian count in your bloodstream makes you stronger in the force, it just doesn’t work though. Adding the Midi-Chlorians to the mythos did nothing to the story besides making up an arbitrary way to quantify how Anakin is so powerful. Everyone hates it and with good reason. It’s also clear to notice that it was completely and totally dropped after this film.
Anyway, So Queen Amidala wants to go back to Naboo and fight for her home. She has a plan to use the Gungans to fight the droid army. Oh Yeah, Boss Nass is coming back! It’s honestly not the worst plan but it does have a lot of holes in it. There’s a lot that’s riding on the timing elements of the pilots stopping the droid control ship, to the droids being shut off before the Gungans are eradicated and then the viceroy of the trade federation being taken into custody. Darth Maul kinda just happens so the lightsaber duel doesn’t really factor into this.
That being said The Lightsaber fight is very clearly everyone’s favorite part of the film. No matter who you ask, they like watching this duel because it’s just so entertaining. Darth Maul has an amazing entrance. The only reason I hate this part for Maul is because I think he deserved more in the films. I love his inclusions in the Clone Wars/Rebels Series but I always thought he should’ve been the main antagonist throughout the trilogy.
Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon really get to shine here as warriors here. Obi-Wan does a lot of cool flips for anyone wanting to see some cool Jedi moves and both hold their own against Maul really well for a long time.
And it’s just overall a wonderful duel. Maul’s style is very aggressive and both of them really have to fight to keep up at times but the pacing is handled very well and you get the sense that these are three people at their prime.
Anakin flying the starfighter just gets wild cause he’s pretty bad at being a pilot. Like I understand that he’s like 9 but seriously, he can barely fly the thing for supposedly being a pilot “all his life” but it all gets better due to Jake Lloyd working with a fantastic script with lines like “I’ll try spinning, that’s a good trick.” and “Now, this is podracing!” Absolute Brilliance.
The Queen and Captain Panaka manage to get inside the Palace and get the Viceroy, The Gungan Battle goes exactly as you expect it to and unfortunately Qui-Gon Dies at the hands of Darth Maul but that only allows for Obi-Wan to take the place that he needed to at the beginning of this film.
Then when we get to Qui-Gon’s funeral, Anakin just out of nowhere asks Obi-Wan : “What will happen to me now?” I mean, really? You can’t let Obi-Wan grieve for 5 seconds before you have to make everything about you. Typical. (According to my brother, My Mother hated this scene. She apparently complained about it as soon as they left the theater.
Then we get to the actual finale of the film and I have no idea what’s going on. I guess this is a celebration of the Gungans and The people of Naboo getting along but that wasn’t enough of a conflict to warrant this scene at all. The celebration itself is Boss Nass riding up to the Palace and then Amidala handing him a glowing ball and him screaming : “Peace!” It’s just a very weird ending to an admittedly very weird film.
Top 5 Weirdest Characters in this film
Alright, so at the end of each retrospective I’ll be doing a different top 5 list from each film. For this one I decided to focus on just how weird some of these characters really are. I was going to do the Trade Federation for one but I honestly feel bad after watching this again because, yeah, they’re weird but they’re also cartoonish racial caricatures and I don’t want to pick on them anymore than this film already does.
5. Ki-Adi Mundi
Alright, so this one is strictly because Mace and Yoda absolutely put him in the friend zone of this film. He keeps trying to add to the conversation and he just comes out of nowhere because the 9 others just sit there and between the remaining two : one is one of the most recognized characters in the entire franchise and the other is played by Samuel L Jackson. Poor Ki-Adi Mundi is doing the best he can.
4. Fode and Beed
I mean, do I need to say anything more about this guy? Everything about him is weird but I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t love him.
3. Watto
Alright, so I decided not to use the Trade Federation because of their depictions being racist but I had to include Watto on here. He’s impressively weird by having Jewish Stereotypes with an accent that is actually closer to Italian than anything else.
He continually talks about his greed, loves gambling and consistently tries to pull one over on our heroes. It’s pretty terrible.
“Mind Tricks don’t work on me, only money.”
2. Chancellor Vallorum
Alright, you’re Terrance Stamp. You’re just now coming off of “Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.” which got you multiple award nominations and you’ve been asked to be in Star Wars. You’re promised that you will be playing someone with extreme power and when you get to the set, it’s a giant green screen and you’re not actually going to act with any other actors.
It’s just weird how little he actually does in this movie and he actually serves no purpose to the main story unless you want the bare minimum of Palpatine playing both sides but we already knew all about that anyway.
1. Boss Nass
Alright, here he is. He is hands down the weirdest character in this entire movie. It’s not even that he looks weird, he’s a giant frog. That’s par for the course but it’s his actions and Lucas’ thought process behind them that has to be brought up. So he’s a leader of an indigenous people that hate the humans that think they’re better than them. Alright, that makes sense. That’s fine but he’s very easy to sway the other way to helping them(Amidala basically just asks politely and he’s just like : “Eh, sure. *blubbers ferociously yet kind*)
Also, his way of saying yes is to blubber wildly. Watch everyone’s faces when this happens. No one reacts to it. There’s no way Lucas told them what was happening on screen. It’s so freaking weird. Also, I love every second of it!
